Part Five of the Khalil Short Play Series

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THE HONEYMOON - (c) 2007 Cherie Renae

Khalil is loosely based upon my own grandfather, who lived to be 99. He lived to the last with my grandmother in their own home. Family and friends were always dropping by to visit. Their house, and especially their kitchen, still hold special memories for me.

Introduction

Joe saves a bundle on the honeymoon. The only problem is, Joe and Esther are not married yet! Joe and Esther, Khalil and May enjoy their first cruise in this one-act play

Characters: Khalil, a man in his early 90's; Joe, a man in his 80's, the widower of Khalil's late cousin, Marian; May, Khalil's wife; Esther, Joe's lady friend; a waiter

Scene: The deck of a cruise ship.

The Honeymoon

Khalil: I'm too old for this trip.

May: You're right. You should have stayed home. I could have found a younger man on this cruise, and then we both would have been happy.

(Khalil looks startled, and turns to see if May is serious. She just smiles at him and pats his hand.)

Joe: How can you be too old? We just lay around on these nice chairs and they bring us soda. Then we get up and walk to one of the dining rooms, sit down, and eat. Then we come back to these nice chairs. How can you be too old to sit?

Khalil: Ah, I'm not a youngster like you. I'm not a honeymooner.

Joe: Well, neither am I, technically.

May: Joe and Esther are going to be sorry they invited us along if you just complain the whole time, Khalil.

Khalil: I'm not complaining. I'm just saying.

Esther: I'm glad we're all here. I've always wanted to take a cruise. It's so…glamorous! I feel like Dorothy Lamour.

Joe: You look like her, too.

Esther: (blushing) Oh, Joe! You're so sweet.

(She and Joe hold hands and smile at each other.) 

Khalil: Whoo-boy. The lovebirds are at it again.

May: They're going to be married soon. What did you expect?

Khalil: I expected the waiter to bring me another soda before this one got all watery, that's what I expected.

May: You don't tip him. He won't come back very often if you don't tip him.

Khalil: The soda is supposed to be free! It's not free if I pay him for it.

May: You're not paying him for the soda, you're paying him to deliver it. Why don't you just walk over to the bar and get it yourself if you're going to be a tightwad?

Khalil: An old man doesn't get any respect anymore. The world today; what's happened to respect for elders?

May: Elders receive respect when they earn it, Khalil. You're acting like a six-year old.

Khalil: I was just joking. No one understands a joke anymore.

May: Well, you're no Bob Hope.

Khalil: Bob Hope. Now there was a funny man! Do you suppose they'll show any Bob Hope movies on this cruise?

Esther: I heard that they are going to show all of the road movies. I would love to see “Road to Morocco ” again.

Joe: Me, too. Remember the ending? “I might have won an Academy Award!” says Hope. I laughed so hard!

Waiter: (walking up to them) May I refresh your drinks?

Khalil: Yes. Mine is all watery. It's all this warm weather. The drinks don't last so long in all this sun. The ice melts.

Waiter: Yes, sir. I'd be happy to replace that for you.

Khalil: Wait. Let me give you a tip.

(He fishes in his pockets.)  

Waiter: Oh, no sir. That's not necessary. You seniors have earned the right to our service.

Khalil: What, my money's not good enough? You think I'm too old? I'm not too old. Everybody else tips, I tip.

(He pulls out a quarter.)

Here you go.

Waiter: (Looking at the quarter in his hand.) Well, thank you, sir. (He walks off.)

Khalil: (To May.) There, I tipped him. Are you happy?

May: You insulted him, more like. Yes, yes, I'm happy. I'm always happy with you, Khalil. Isn't it wonderful to be on vacation?

Khalil: I like this sun. It's raining at home. I wish we had one of those cell phones, so I could call Fred and George and tell them how sunny it is here. They would be jealous. George always gets that problem with his hip when the weather is cold and rainy. He should go on a cruise. It would make his hip feel better.

Joe: Everything feels better now that I'm on vacation. Except my ears. Woo-boy, do you snore, Khalil! How do you put up with it, May?

May: I don't hear it anymore, mostly. If he gets too loud, just poke him and he'll roll over and stop for a while.

Joe: I don't know why I have to room with Khalil, anyway. After all, Esther, we're going to be married next month.

Esther: (sweetly) But we're not married now.

Khalil: Well, that's your fault, Joe. You wanted to go this month.

Joe: I had the coupons! They expired in May! They would have been no good after the wedding.

Khalil: Well, then. You snore, too, you know.

Joe: Marian never complained about my snoring. (looking at Esther) Will you still marry me if I snore?

Esther: I don't know. I do need my beauty sleep. That might change everything. (She and May laugh.)  

Joe: See what trouble you cause me, Khalil?

Khalil: Trouble? You don't know nothing about trouble, Joe. I could tell you about trouble. Back in the early days of the war…well, you know about those days, too, don't you Joe? I guess you do know trouble. We all do.

Joe: You can't live to be our age without seeing our share of sorrow. Thankfully, I've also seen more than my share of joy. Like Esther, here. She brings me such joy.

Esther: Oh, Joe! (She kisses his cheek.) What a wonderful honeymoon.

Khalil: (takes May's hand and pats it.) May here has put up with me for 56 years. That's more joy than any man deserves.

(May kisses him.)  

May: I love you, Khalil. You're a good man.

Khalil: (Nods.) Hey! Aren't those movies supposed to start soon? We should go watch. Do you suppose they'll serve popcorn? You're supposed to have popcorn with movies. Do they know that on this fancy ship?

(They all begin to rise, and slowly walk stage right.)

May: I think they know. And if they don't, I'll tell them to go make you some.

Khalil: Thank you, May. You take good care of me. Doesn't she take good care of me, Joe?

Joe: The best, Khalil, the best.

Khalil: We're lucky men.

Joe: We surely are. And we're on a cruise! We're Crosby and Hope!

Khalil: We got the girls!

Joe: The prettiest ones, at that.

Khalil: Of course. We're the best looking guys, aren't we? (He holds out his arm to May.) May I escort you, pretty lady?

May: You may.

(Joe and Esther entwine arms, too, and all walk off stage together.)

THE END

---(c) 2007 Cherie Renae - may not be reproduced without permission

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